Thursday, 29 October 2009

What Could've Been

I am one of those dreamers. You know, one of those persons who live in fantasy world, imagining great adventures and breath-taking romances. I've had a million lifes in my world. A million different outcomes.

All with a happy ending.

All in my head.

That is why I envy the people who are down to earth. They want something and they get it.




They are not afraid of failure, of having their bubble burst, their dreams crashed.

After all, we only have one shot at life. One shot at being happy. I don't want to waste it. I'm tired of thinking of what could've been.

I'm ready for my life to start.

Monday, 26 October 2009


I have just finished watching the movie Keith for the, what? I don't know, fifth time? I don´t know what's with me and this movie, but it is just so special for me.

When people ask me what this movie is about and I tell them: ´Well, its about this perfetc girl...and this geeky guy..` I can't help but think, every time, that I'm letting the movie down. Because this movie is so much more, or at least that is how i see it. But you just have to watch it because if more is revealed, then the film will be spoilt for you.

For me- and this is all my humble opinion- this movie manages to get what could be considered even a cliché setting (my summary) and give it a twist of 360 degrees, creating something completely original and refreshing.

When i first saw this movie I couldn't believe my eyes when Jesse McCartney disappeared from my sight and became this amazingly raw person that Keith is. You spend most of the film hoping for him not to be a psycho because, even though he seems crazy, you can't help but love him.

I never thought that I would write about a film in my blog, but it just seemed right. For me, this film is simple, yes, but at the same time so deep. Every single detail matters for the bigger picture and, at the end, it is even slightly depressing.

It's hard talking about it.

If you are bored and have nothing to do, watch it. If you already have, tell me what you think. Maybe you think I'm reading too much into it. Maybe you hated it.

But maybe, just maybe, this movie is so special for you as it is for me.


Monday, 12 October 2009

Do you care?

There are some people who are constantly telling me that I ask for too much. That I should relax. That I should call more people "friend" and less people "aquaintance". That I should trust more easily.

And maybe they are right. Maybe I've built my walls too high. So high that only the ones who persevere manage to get through. But why would I let someone in who hasn't showed me anything? So they can hurt me again? No thank you, that happened before, and I know better than to repeat my mistakes.

I suppose that what people have done to me has shaped me in a way that I don't really like. And I would very much prefer if they wouldn't have had an impact on my life, just for my own pride, but I can't help it.

This is who I am now. Someone who's scared of letting other people in.

However,when I do let people in, I give them all I have, all my love. I know I can do good in other people's lifes. The only problem is that no one has the time or will to find out who I really am, behind the mask. If they only knew...But no one cares.

Do you?


Sunday, 4 October 2009

Just Breathe

My hands were cold. They always get cold when I'm nervous. My friends were chatting all around me but I couldn't concentrate on their words. My mind was elsewhere, on what was going to happen in just a few minutes...

Finally, my father called me to the stage. I stood up slowly. My legs were shaking and it would've been very embarassing if I stumbled or fell with all those pairs of eyes looking my way. I made it to the stage without any major trouble. The hardest part was climbing on top, with my heels, trying not to step on any of the cables. But by some miracle, I managed alright.

Once on top, my eyes caught sight of the enormous amount of people standing there, looking my way. So many people to impress. My breath had sped up, just like the rythm of my heart. My legs were still shaking and I prayed to God that no one would take notice of this.

The first chords started.

I closed my eyes and said to myself:

Just breathe